


Of Perplexity and Confirmation.

by bbhbae



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 03:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8951518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbhbae/pseuds/bbhbae
Summary: In which Yugyeom thought that he had fallen out of love with his boyfriend, Bambam.





	

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah, I'm new here and I've been dying to post this here. and I also have posted this on AFF site. Enjoy!

 

## 1/2

* * *

**Chapter 1**

 

  
          Yugyeom was planning to end their relationship in a very pleasant and gentle way. But, seeing his boyfriend’s sorrowful face made him feel the way they felt when they still happy together. It’s so sad to think about it. Back then, as cliché as it sounds, Yugyeom used to loving his boyfriend; more than himself. Now, he thought that he had fallen out of love with his boyfriend. Yugyeom also thought that maybe, just maybe his boyfriend would want the same as him- the break up. Seeing the fact that he had asked his boyfriend about their relationship the latter still wanted to carry on though.

  
Yugyeom once remembered he had asked his lover or exactly giving a sign for their break up.

  
“Do you still want us to be together after all shit that I have done to you? Are you blind or what?” Yugyeom took a seat next to his boyfriend on the sofa. He sighed heavily as he massaged his temple. The black haired boy next to him gently took his hand and intertwined their hand, admiring how their hands intricately fit together with a faint smile on lips.

  
Smiling wide, Bambam wistfully began, “Why did you sound like you have never loved me?” the black haired boy chuckled as he tried to crack a joke; he stopped for a brief moment. Obviously, the corners of his eyes were filled with tears already because all of a sudden, the mix of his feelings started to grow further.

  
He continued, “Why did you need to ask me that, Yugyeom? For sure I forgive you. No need to worry about that but I don’t understand. Yugyeom, what’s in your mind actually? Please, be honest to me.” Yugyeom turned to his boyfriend and he didn’t miss any single tears that roll down his lover cheeks.

  
Oh God, he actually felt a pang on his chest seeing his boyfriend kind of this state but didn’t dare to make a move, wipe those tears.

  
“Babe, why did you cry? Oh God, I’m sorry…” he really regretted what he had said. Yes, only fools would ask that kind of question when obviously he’s the reason why he cried. Yugyeom intensely stared at him.

  
Bambam brought up his hand and wiped off his tears with the back of his palm. “It’s okay, Gyeomie. I hope that you will never hide anything from me. I-I mean, not that kind of jealousy thing but if you want to tell me something, please do. I just-I don’t, I-I mean—” he was interrupted by a pair of lips smashed gently onto his plump pink lips.

  
The kiss was so soft yet intense and Yugyeom could feel his knees were going weak because oh God he really missed those plump pink lips as he’s craving for it.

  
Bambam startled as his eyes widened because  _damn_ \- Yugyeom was kissing him. After a long time, he waited; finally his boyfriend kissed him  _again_.

  
But, after a few seconds Yugyeom pulled away and wiped his lips with the hem of his sleeve.

  
Bambam’s red puffy eyes widened and his frown deepened. He waited for the taller to say something and he regretted waiting for it—

  
—“I’m sorry, f-for kissing you. I shouldn’t do that.” Yugyeom stood up and that’s the last time Bambam met his tall boyfriend.

  
And from then on, Yugyeom knew, he was totally screwed up.

* * *

     Yugyeom took a sip of his morning hot coffee surreptitiously, but couldn’t enjoy the calm feeling after the hot liquid came exploring his throat, utterly ignoring the call that had been so many damn times had bothered him today, apparently from his one and only friend, Choi Youngjae. The taller picked his phone on the table beside his cup and shut it down before precisely throwing it and the cellphone pretty landed on the floor; scattering away. Whatever it is he didn’t even care.

  
_Damn!_  He ran his fingers through his messy red hair.

  
He was totally emotional right now. He knew that Youngjae boy surely would nag to him nonstop asking about his relationship with Bambam because the Jackson guy—Bambam’s friend—would tell him everything. He just couldn’t tell him now. He confused and it’s been three weeks since their last contact—after their arguing—and every single night Yugyeom would think if their relationship actually ended or didn’t. He didn’t even try to contact the black haired boy as if they were truly separated. The black haired boy though didn’t contact him too. Yugyeom thought maybe Bambam was trying to give them some space and thinks that they would be just fine again.

  
Yugyeom groaned and stood up because right now he regretted he threw his phone away. There’s no excuse he would give his brother to buy him a new phone because it was the ninth phone he broke. Mark would never hear him out again. Yugyeom walked to his living room and collapsed himself on the big couch before groaning again after hearing a sudden harsh knock on his apartment door. He made his way to the door and opened it, revealing a height-modest guy with a snapback and a leather jacket added with a jeans.

  
“Mark hyung…” he weakly said and let his brother settled himself in the living room. Yugyeom went to the kitchen and got back to the living room with two drinks and he sat down on the couch, opposite Mark.

  
“So, Mark hyung, what are you trying to talk about?” he knew his hyung well, there’s no reason he came here if it not for a talk.

  
Mark put off his red-black snapback and put on his lap and stared at Yugyeom, somehow his face showed that he somewhat was in anxiety? Was all Yugyeom could say.

  
“Yugyeom, are you seriously going to break up with him?” there goes the question he scared most and he took a deep breath.  
Mark paused, waiting for an answer as he gulped down the carbonate drink.

 

Staring down on the small round table in front of him, Yugyeom quietly replied, “Yes hyung. I think I didn’t love him anymore…but, I’m confused…” the words came out in muffle but Mark heard him. Yugyeom titled his head only to find his brother steadily leaning on the couch and he suddenly pooh-poohed.

  
Yugyeom made a mental note to make sure to  _kill_  Youngjae for telling this to Mark.

  
“I told you Yugyeom, you shouldn’t date him in the first place as if now you are trying to break him. I honored you, my little bro.” Mark didn’t miss the red face of Yugyeom perhaps of the sudden anger.

  
“What are you trying to say hyung?” he asked, voice crack a little and Mark sneered.

  
“What I’m trying to say is you better think before you do something stupid that you’ll be forever regret. He’s a nice kid, Gyeom. Haven’t you seen it?”

  
“I was thinking that you will approve my choice but I’m wrong.” Yugyeom argued back and let out an audible sigh.

  
“I’m not saying anything more if you desperately want to end your relationship. I have no right to spit out my voice to you anyways though I’m your flesh and blood. It was your life, your rule but listen up my little bro. Please think about this once again before you decided to break up. I don’t want you to end up like me just because a small stupid mistake I made back then. And this also because of your stupid mistakes too.” He knew what’s Mark referring to, well it obviously was his mistakes because since that night when he had drunk Bambam started—oh God! Now, he knew the reason why his lover didn’t talk to him.

  
Yugyeom gulped bitterly and stared down on his own intertwined fingers—thinking—before shifting his focus back to his brother. He saw Mark stood up and put his snapback on.

  
“I will be leaving now, I dropped by because I was waiting for Jackson down floor and I think that will be a nice time if I come here and ask you about Bambam. Well, you know, I’m a busy person and barely come to visit my bro.” Mark nudged his brother to stand up and they shared a quick hug.

  
“Go and talk to him, Gyeom. Clear up all the misunderstanding. Ask him what had you done. Don’t just be a freak locking yourself in this apartment.” His brother said for the last time before Yugyeom slammed the door shut right after Mark’s disappearance, didn’t even say anything.

  
He was thinking that maybe he should talk to Bambam now. Yes, he’s going to do that for sure very soon.  _Like very soon_.

  
He needed to talk to him.

* * *

     Yugyeom assuredly remembered Bambam owned a flower shop near his own apartment, not him but Bambam’s. He sighed in defeat after coming all the way from his place to his boyfriend’s apartment only to receive a shook of head of Bambam’s neighbor saying that said boy was going out. That’s why he was rushing to the flower shop and right now he stood in front of the crystal clear glass door, doubting whether he should push it open and backed away because it’s embarrassing to face Bambam after what he had done minus the kiss before as for Yugyeom had done a big shit to him.

  
He slyly pushed open the door until—

  
“Never think that you’ll come here again.” That soothe familiar voice was creeping him out as he suddenly gasped and he heard that voice chuckled. That was true after all. Yugyeom barely come here.

  
“Um, I’m looking for you.” He stated trying to hide his nervousness, looking at the black haired boy hugging a big basket fulfilled with a variety kind of flowers only his head had popped out and the petite boy struggled to push open door. Yugyeom hastily helped him opened the door, he made sure to manage to stay away from the flowers and they stepped in without the other’s permission.

  
“Do you want to buy flowers? I just opened up this shop and I guess you have to wait a few minutes more. There are still a lot of things needed to be settling down.” The black haired boy said, calm as usual. Yugyeom hated Bambam for acting like a complete stranger to him at the same time he confused, does the black haired boy wanted to tease him or what?

  
Yugyeom’s eyes trailing the petite boy who was busily fixing the flowers in a huge basket and Yugyeom keep thinking how he should open their conversation because Bambam was giving his back, totally acting like he didn’t want to talk to Yugyeom. That’s all Yugyeom thought.

  
“I want to talk about what happened in the last three weeks.” Yugyeom managed to utter his words without stuttering and saw the teeny-tiny boy halted on his work before slowly—as if in slow motion—turned to Yugyeom and his face showed no interest.

  
“Go ahead and talk. I’m listening.” And he turned his head back to his flowers, profusely giving his back to the taller. Yugyeom practically wanted to scream in exasperation because Bambam seemed like he didn’t want to talk about it.

  
He approached him and stood next to him. “Look, I want us to talk about this. Please don’t ignore me.” He put both his palms on the other’s shoulder, making the black haired boy shuddered at the sudden touch and Yugyeom thought that was not a harm since they are still in relationship.

  
“Just talk and I will listen.” Bambam was quick to reply, busying himself with the flowers because he didn’t want Yugyeom to notice his shaky hands of nervousness. He shook his shoulder, didn’t want the taller to keep touching him.

  
“Anyways, you better keep your distance from flowers. I don’t want you to end up in hospital again.” He said as his hands busy doing his works. Yugyeom halted on his step. He couldn’t believe that his boyfriend still remembered; that embarrassing incident years ago. He could feel his face flushed.

  
Bambam still ignored him. “Bam, please…” hearing his soft voice enough to make Bambam’s knees; going weak and limp. He couldn’t deny that he missed that voice so bad.

  
“What do you want Yugyeom?” he serenely asked, pretending like he didn’t get what’s the taller message. He turned on his heels and grabbed another hollow basket. This one with a modest size and he started to fix the flowers in it and Yugyeom didn’t know what is it name. Well, he never cared about flowers since  _they_  are big foes to him.

  
Yugyeom waited for his boyfriend to finish his work.

  
Knowing that the smaller boy had finished, he began. “Well, you are right saying that I have something to tell you since last three weeks.” Finally, Bambam turned his head to Yugyeom and waited for the taller to continue. He tried to control his feelings because he had a bad feeling about that.

  
“Then tell me.” He said in a flat tone. His head twirling around the shop then he stopped his focus at the counter.

  
“I-I-I…”

  
Bambam cut off, “Um, let’s take a seat first.” he suggested and he walked to a pair of small woody stools beside the counter and carefully sat down. Yugyeom followed him after.

  
Yugyeom began, “Babe—oh God, I don’t really know how to tell you,” Yugyeom didn’t know when his palms started to sweat. He also thinks that ‘Babe’ wasn’t suitable for him to say anymore because it was cruel as he wanted to end their relationship but still he used that kind of nicknames to Bambam.

  
Bambam was staring at him praying that Yugyeom wasn’t going to say ‘it’s over’. Isn’t he?

  
“Please be quick because I’ve got something important to do after this.” Hearing Bambam’s words totally made him froze and he knew that Bambam didn’t want to talk about this. He took a minute to admire his boyfriend’s features.

  
He still looked the same but the dark circles under his eyes made Yugyeom wondered did he crying all night long? And that’s because of him? Oh, he really an asshole. He didn’t deserve someone like him. No, just no. Yugyeom’s eyes roamed over Bambam’s hair. It kind of messy and seemed like he didn’t bother to comb his hair. Perhaps he was busy thinking about his life that Yugyeom was going to abolish it after all.

  
Yugyeom felt bad looking at his boyfriend’s state.

  
Maybe his brother was right. He needed a time, a proper time to think about this before he’s going to end all of this.

  
It was decided.

  
He wanted to spend a lot of time with his boyfriend, trying to figure out his feelings toward the black haired boy again as if he didn’t want to be a freak when he had made a choice for leaving him when he wanted him back to his life.

  
That’s impossible for sure.

  
Bambam’s head immediately turned when he heard the bell clung high on his door clank. Yugyeom also didn’t miss to turn around. Yugyeom swore his heart skipped a beat when he saw a stranger, around his ages and with a big smile approaching Bambam, giving his boyfriend a bear hug?

  
_What the hell?_

  
Yugyeom stood up and watched the two exchanged words before Bambam turned to him again and the stranger said ‘hye’ to him and again,  _What the hell?_

 

“Yugyeom, this is my roommate. Jungkook. Well, ex-roommate actually.” His boyfriend said, smiling with a genuine smile.

 

“Jungkook,” the stranger casually said didn’t offer the red head a handshake.

 

“Yugyeom.” He finally said before glancing to Bambam and Yugyeom swore he had never seen that kind of smile on his features.

 

Of course Bambam would always smile amiably to him back then. But, when he was with this stranger smiling like an idiot like who had a huge crush as if trying hard to win the crush’s heart made Yugyeom couldn’t help but to think was this boy was so special? Why did his boyfriend seemed so happy when they are talking? He was not a special one right? Right?

  
“Jungkookie—” Yugyeom’s head swiftly turned to Bambam as he heard the pet names given to that attractive stranger. He saw his lover smiling, showing his teeth.

 

“Yugyeom is my boyfriend.” He paused, staring at Yugyeom and the taller flashed him confusion looks. “He’s the one that I tell you the other day, remember?” Jungkook only nodded his head. Yugyeom was so touched hearing Bambam still addressed him as a boyfriend.

  
“Yes, and he’s the one that makes you cry all night long and you will cling to me as I was trying to comfort you.” Yugyeom’s eyes widened at the sudden kind of harsh words. The stranger’s face showed no interest though.

  
“What the hell man. We just met and—”

  
Before Yugyeom could step forward, Bambam was quick to interrupt. “Yugyeom, don’t! Please ignore him,” he gave him a head-shake then turned his face to Jungkook.

  
“Um well, do you want to buy flowers? What kind of flowers she likes huh?” Bambam carefully clung onto Jungkook’s arm and went to the flowers spot, quietly leaving Yugyeom standing there alone looking like a complete idiot as if who gets rejected with a mouth gaped open and eyes blinking nonstop. Well, well.

 

Yugyeom waited.

 

He patiently waited and he couldn’t believe himself he could wait for them to finish because damn that Jungkook boy had taken his precious time with his boyfriend for almost 20 minutes and just what the hell man! Yugyeom quietly watching the two laughing their ass off and Yugyeom wondered how they could be so close because Bambam never mentioned he had a roommate.

 

Or maybe he had mentioned but Yugyeom didn’t take a notice.

  
When that Jungkook kid had gone, Bambam came to Yugyeom offering him a drink. The black haired boy sat down next to his boyfriend again. “So, where did we?” he sipped through his can drink.

  
Seeing his boyfriend dumbfounded face, Bambam asked again, “Ain’t you wanna continue?” Yugyeom never felt this awkward before but yeah, they hadn’t talked for three weeks.

  
Yugyeom wholly was losing his mood because of that Jungkook boy.

  
He wanted to state the real reason he came here but suddenly his minds remembered what’s his brother told him, “I-I was wondering if you w-want to have a dinner with me tonight?” Bambam almost spit out his drink. Did he hear him right?

  
“Really?” was all the smaller could say and Yugyeom vigorously nodded his head. A genuinely big smile painted across his adorable face.

  
“Yes! Will you? I-I mean, I want to make up all the shit I have done to you. So, what do you say? Would you still give me a chance?” Yugyeom knew Bambam was hesitated at first and he expected that the black haired boy would say no—

  
—“What are you talking about? You made it sound like we already broke up…” he chortled. Yugyeom didn’t get what his means and his frown deepened. With a faint smile painted on his handsome face, Bambam continued. “I guess it’s okay. I missed my boyfriend anyways.” He flushed Yugyeom a sweet shiny smile ever enough to make the taller melted.

  
“Okay, dinner at my place. I will pick you up around 8, is that okay?” Yugyeom didn’t receive an answer instead a bone crushing hug from the smaller boy and they pulled away when the bell clank again and Yugyeom let out a sigh while the other had laughed out aloud.

  
It was nice to see him laugh again.

  
Maybe, just maybe the idea of wanting to figure out his feelings again wasn’t a bad idea at all. Yugyeom thought. Yugyeom carefully made a mental note to himself that he would never let this chance slipped away.

* * *

     Bambam locked his shop at 6 p.m.—right on the time—and he has only two hours more to get ready for his dinner. When he thought again, it was funny when his boyfriend totally acted childish in their relationship. Well, he thought that the taller didn’t see him as a lover anymore. Of course it’s hurt. It’s so damn hurt. But he also hated himself for being a forgivable person though he had been hurt only God knows how many times - not only because of Yugyeom.

 

Bambam was a foreigner; he came all the way from Thailand to further his studies here and then came Yugyeom into his life. The tall big giant boy was a shy person in Bambam’s eyes when their first met at the campus. Being a social butterfly, he always made the first move to hit it off—have some conversation with him, studied together in the library and visited each other apartment on weekend—in the end; they get along pretty fast in a month.

  
To say the least, Bambam actually fall for the taller on their first date—well he addressed it as a date and Yugyeom had said that’s a ‘friends outing’ though. There were so many things he liked about the taller; when he absolutely had known him; he didn’t know how to stop himself, how to stop his feelings from drowning deeper than the sea in love with Yugyeom. It such a miracle when Yugyeom had confessed his feelings to him. Back then, Bambam had cried messily because he's so damn happy, God heard his prayer and they officially became a ‘boyfriend-boyfriend’ thing from then on.

  
Bambam had lied if he says that he didn’t love the taller a lot. Well, he does. Every kiss they shared, every hug they shared always made him feel appreciated and peace. He knew Yugyeom was the right man for him as he didn’t doubt about that ever since. But, when they had been together for almost two years now, Yugyeom seemed to change a lot. As cliché as it sound, Bambam knew this is going to happen because damn, he can feel it. Well, just like in any typical drama, isn’t it? Day by day surely a boyfriend would feel bored with his lover and decided to break up.

  
The day Yugyeom broke him; Bambam was really scared that he might lose his boyfriend ever. He’s weak. He didn’t know how to handle his life back then. Though they didn’t shoot harsh words to each other like any couples would do, but still he scared. That incredible day, when he saw Yugyeom kissing another girl at the club, all of the things that he could do was watching them as if he was glued on the floor he didn’t even try to approach him maybe giving him a punch or a kick on the crotch but instead he walked away leaving his drunk boyfriend make out with a girl.

  
He ran and ran in tears well he thought that his life was exactly like a drama which his grandma used to watching a lot. It’s kinda funny. He’s hurt but he wanted to laugh. So he laughed out loud until he choked on his breath and between his sob then fall on his knees on the cold dirty asphalt. Wiping his tears he managed to get back to his place and only to find Yugyeom knocking on his door in an early morning.

  
Too much for him, his boyfriend didn’t exactly remember what he had done last night instead the taller pulled him into a warm embrace and kissed him passionately like he usually do. Bambam knew he such an idiot because he could goes weak when Yugyeom kissed him. That is his weakness. Oh yeah, maybe he thought that was the same things you feel when your boyfriend kiss you. He couldn’t deny that Yugyeom does make he feel needy and safe under his embrace.

  
Because of he was trying hard fighting with his feelings, he’s hurt and his asshole boyfriend didn’t know what he feel oh God he really wanted to punch him. So, he yelled at his boyfriend and yes they exchanged a few harsh words. Again Bambam thought it’s kinda funny because his life exactly looks like any typical drama and he found that his boyfriend had turned on his heels and walked away and he could only crying his eyes out in defeat.

  
They didn’t contact anymore ever since.

  
Both of them acted childishly.

  
Both didn’t want to try to heal their relationship.

  
When Yugyeom suddenly showed up at his apartment door in the last three weeks, Bambam knew he’s going to end it all. When his boyfriend came, he didn’t have such enough energy to fight more. So, he let him come in and he knew that Yugyeom had a point of coming here. He’s right. Yugyeom came to end it all. The taller didn’t really tell a word ‘break up’ but he knew the taller didn’t want him anymore.

  
No, he can’t let this happen.

  
Just because of a few mistakes he couldn’t let their relationship slipped away just like that. No. he wanted to fix this, he needed to fix this. Bambam waited for the taller to talk as he agreed that he wanted to discuss about this but he couldn’t help himself when Yugyeom shot him a question—“ _Do you still want us to be together after all shit that I have done to you? Are you blind or what?_ ” oh my god Bambam just couldn’t fight with his tears anymore. His heart hurt when he knew Yugyeom wanted a break up. He made it pretty obvious.

  
Bambam weakly smile and intertwined their hands, too much for his surprises he didn’t expect that his boyfriend didn’t pull it away. Maybe this is going to be his last time to hold Yugyeom’s hands and he wanted to appreciate this precious time. Bambam tried hard not to cry and replied—“ _Why did you sound like you have never loved me?_ ”—trying to crack a joke because damn he really doesn’t want to cry in front of his boyfriend. He acted like he didn’t get what’s in Yugyeom’s mind. Yugyeom seemed to play along with his words though and he knew; his face showed frustration.

 

No. Bambam didn’t want their relationship to end like this.

 

He abruptly cried and that bastard asked him why he cries like he didn’t know what’s happened; he was dying to give a slap on his boyfriend’s face but he didn’t. Bambam cried harder making his shoulders jolted up and down. He sometimes choked between his sob and he didn’t expect that bastard would kiss him right on the mouth. The kiss was hard yet it feels so right. Bambam didn’t want to think that kiss was a pity Yugyeom felt towards him—

  
—But it was true.

  
Yugyeom pulled away as if he had regained from his unconsciousness and broke Bambam’s heart more as he saw his boyfriend wiped his lips with the hem of his sleeve. He stood up and Bambam cried harder because he knew Yugyeom wanted to end their relationship. He heard his boyfriend muttering—“ _I’m sorry, f-for kissing you. I shouldn’t do that._ ”—and he walked away, away from Bambam and that was the last time they contact.

  
Bambam wanted to think that their relationship was not over yet right? Right? Yugyeom didn’t say that ‘it’s over’, so it’s not over yet right?—

  
—and Bambam cried harder at the thought that he had lost Yugyeom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 (A/N: I'm sorry for any grammatical errors. I hope you can share your thoughts about this chapter. The next final chapter will be posting soon! Thank you for reading!)


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